absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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