Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
be right there i have to get my cape
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
