I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
