me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
