I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
