so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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