Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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