Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
