i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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