distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
