It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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