after a month anything with tits is on the radar
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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