You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
