I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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