oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
