just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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