I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
