My first STD was from a foam party
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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