the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
one might say we're banned from that church
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
