You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
