Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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