God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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