Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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