evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
