theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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