I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
