im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
