I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
