I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
