even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
