Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
