A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
