I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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