there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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