I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
the raccoons are back...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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