i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
