his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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