I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
