The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
