He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
