eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
