yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
