When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you traded sex for a burrito?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
