Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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