Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
