yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
