I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
