What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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