Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
