Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
