It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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