I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
