i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
