Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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