then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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