Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
