Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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