i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
