Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
