do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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