I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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