...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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