When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
