Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
