OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
