what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
