porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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