roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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