It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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