yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
