I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
