i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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